Words Hurt

[Crystal]

When Words Hurt

Do words hurt? It depends on who you are asking; the person hearing the words, or the one saying those words. The perpetrator may say that "It's just words" or "I really didn't mean it", but the damage has already been done.

Continued over time, the words begin to sink in and wear away at a woman's self-worth. She may begin to believe what is being said, not realizing that it is a distorted version of reality. Unfortunately, many women enduring verbal abuse don't even consider leaving or getting a divorce until things turn physical. To help you understand the damage that words can inflict, the article below discusses the similarities between verbal and physical abuse.

Do Words Really Hurt?

Have you ever been told by someone that you love or by someone of higher authority that words don't hurt? Have you been told that as long as you are not being hit, that it is ok to be abused?

Well think again because "ABUSE" is abuse whether it is done physical, emotional or both and it affects women's health just the same because both can leave lifetime scars that will and can hurt you in both your personal and professional life. The old myth has always been, if you are being physically abused to get out while those who were being emotionally abused were seemed to be told nothing! Is it a fact that words don't hurt?

If that holds true, then does it only become physical abuse when a bruised body part becomes obvious to others? Well, what about an emotional abused person? Does it only become emotional abuse when you have started to believe what you're told?

Really there is no difference in how emotional and physical abuse affects the mind, body and spirit. Take these thoughts into consideration for a minute or two. A woman who is said to be going through physical abuse also goes through emotional abuse with every kick or hit that's encountered. Ask them what were they feeling?

Most would tell you that person may or not used words but they surely felt hatred by the person who abused them. Now let's go through the same process for the women who's said to be going through emotional abuse. She too experiences physical abuse with every spoken word that strikes and attacks her mind, body and spirit.

Source: http://www.womansdivorce.com/words-hurt.html
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Article by Angela Renee Baker, a wife, a mother of three and an infopreneur that works to assist all mothers especially those with newborns and pre-teens with every single aspect of their life as a woman, as a partner, and as a mother.

[Cecilia]

This is a very useful site on Recovering from Abusive Relationships!
http://www.leavingabuse.com/

[Mariana]

Sometimes, we feel other people are right just because the appear to use "wise" words. I personally believe it's important -for the sake of a meaningful communication- to avoid people who resort to fallacies.

If an abuser has an argument with you, one of the most common fallacies he or she will tend to use is one called the Fallacy Ad Hominem. This is also known as a personal attack or a red herring. The main focus shifts from discussing a concept or an idea into attacking the person who has expressed that idea, thus making the concept itself appear as though it made no sense at all.

Some abusers resort to this type of fallacy as well as to fallacies of distraction to make their point appear as valid. While their point may be valid under certain circumstances, fallacies tend to mislead people instead of clarifying an argument.

If an abuser claims that what the victim is saying is "wrong" or "false" (even though this may be just the abuser's viewpoint,) then some people may imply the victim is not a reliable person. This undermines the victim's credibility before others.

Usually, but not in all cases, mind me, abusers need to belittle their victims because of their own issues of lack of self-confidence or because of their own low self-esteem. Hence, they resort to this kind of fallacies in order to achieve their main goal which is to discredit whatever the victim says or thinks.

You may find many examples of fallacies on the Internet, especially in websites devoted to critical thinking. Giving ourselves a chance to think by ourselves is one of the most precious gifts we can give ourselves.

Often times, misunderstandings come from the lack of knowledge of some key information regarding communication basics and communication skills.

This reminds me of one of the many excellent books I have read over the past 25 years on psychology and mental health, called "What Do You Say After You Say Hello, by Dr. Eric Berne - a very old book compared to the advances in the mental health field today, but still worth reading it, together with "Games People Play," also written by the same psychiatrist, as well as many others that give us a clear insight on some of the basic misuderstandings in relationships due to a poor pattern of commnunication.

Here's a link to logical fallacies. In my opinion, it's a good idea to learn to read "between the lines," lest we become unwilling victims of skillfull language manipulators. Let's not take things for granted. Just because and abuser has a skillfull command and use of the fallacies, that does not make him/her necessarily right.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem

Best to all.