Agree to Disagree

[Mariana]

Hi people,

As I said before, we can agree to disagree. This does not mean we "have to" accept other people's views, but we can coexist peacefully, at least on this site.

Please, bear in mind this site is about emotional abuse. Hence, offending or insulting each other is a way to emotionally or verbally abuse another person. That's something we don't want in our community.

Again, we may not agree with another member's views, but that does not give us the right to insult a member, and/or have that member insult us back.

It's okay to be honest and sincerely post what we believe in. But it's not okay if we start using irony and sarcasm to communicate our feelings or to get our message across.

This site is intended for people to exchange their views, not for people to unwillingly hurt each other.

When we believe in something (when we believe in some theory of line of thought) it's hard to accept others may see things in a different way. At least, it has happened to me, and maybe still happens today.

When we feel hurt or offended, we are most likely to defend ourselves... and sometimes we do this by hurting someone back. Now, we all know there are better ways to let others know they have hurt us. As I said before, we can have an adult confrontation and an adult debate. No need to attack others, personally - even if it's something we tend to do (usually and naturally.)

So, remember we can express our different opinions and point out our differences without attacking each other. When we attack the person instead of discussing a concept, we are resorting to a well known fallacy called Ad hominem argument.

Let's not use that here. We are all learning, we are all willing to overcome the devastating effects of emotional abuse on our self-esteem. Some abusers or ex abusers are willing to learn to become better people (at least there is one man from Mexico who keeps emailing me every other week to let me know about his progress,) as well as victims or former victims or targets of abuse, who are gathering information, learning about abuse itself and about abusers, etc.

So, let's all make this site a positive network free from abuse. Let's pay attention to our emotions, they way we react and act. We're intelligent enough to use our emotions properly and be honest about the way we feel here.

Big hug to all - please don't use this site as a boxing ring ;-)

Sorry if I'm a bit behind with all the posts, but my mother needs heart surgery and I have been taking her to the doctors, etc. Hopefully, an angioplasty with 4 stents will do for now, but she is hard to deal with, so I'm trying not to lose my "adorable" patience with her.

Best to all, and please know that I value a lot your comments and participation here- We live, (we love, or not) and we learn

Hugs!

[pjay]

there is a story in the book of job. he was a wealthy man, with a big family. but he lost everything that he owned in one single day.
his friends came to comfort him, but as time passed, they all hinted at the fact that job must have done something wrong, & this was retribution from God.
his wife even said to him..."why don't you just curse God (for all this misery) & die."
worse yet, job became very ill with boils all over his body (festering with puss).

but ( if you read this story) the greatest pain that job was clearly going through, was being misunderstood by those that were closest to him. this is a great grief, to be so misunderstood.
i am sure this very pattern is repeated over & over every day.
it tears families apart. it pits communities against each other, & i bet it is the very reason some countries even go to war.

misunderstanding are a part of every day life. & the anxiety one feels over being misunderstood is sometimes just a feeling of not having CONTROL over that situation. but that's really ok if you think about it. i don't always have to be in full control of every single thing in my life. i don't always have to be right. (let's face it, just how much of our lives DO we really have control over ?)
-you know what i'm trying to say, right? (please don't misunderstand me ! LOL !!!!!)

i read about the slave labor going on in brazil in today's paper, how widespread it is. i hear reports about human trafficking, for slave labor, for the sex trade, for drugs & all kinds of despicable things.
i hear about people that are the victims of very violent crimes, & i think to myself.....what do i have to really complain about ??? & it pains me to even imagine the horrors done to innocent children every day.

these are the folks that really do suffer each day. my problems, whatever they are, are very small in comparison.

my thoughts & prayers are with your mom too, mariana.

[Administrator]

Thanks for the good wishes, Psus, I'm doing my best to have a truckload of patience with mom... she's 72 and actas like a 15 year old rebel teen... sigh

It's labor day here in Argentina, and I believe it is so in other countries too (at least in many countries in South America) I have a lot of (translation) work to do, so no rest today. I will try to get some during the weekend.

=)