The Cycle of Abuse

[Charlotte]

THE CYCLE OF ABUSE
(http://www.angelfire.com/ms/domviol/cycle.html)

Tension Building Stage

This is the stage where things lead up to that "walking on eggshells" feeling.

Acute Battering Incident Stage

This is the stage where the violence occurs. The amount of violence in this stage usually builds in intensity with each episode.

Progression of violence:

- pre-battering violence
- verbal abuse
- hitting objects
- throwing objects
- breaking objects
- making threats

When abusers hit or break objects or make threats almost 100% resort to battering

beginning levels

- pushing
- grabbing
- restraining

moderate levels

- slapping
- pinching
- kicking
- pulling out clumps of hair

severe levels

- choking
- beating with objects
- use of weapons
- rape (1 in 3 women in a violent relationship are raped)

Batterer uses weapons to subdue victim
Victim is afraid of consequences of batterer getting angry if they say no

Honeymoon Stage

This is the stage where the batterer either (1) minimizes the episode and then apologizes and promises never to do it again or (2) blames it on alcohol, drugs, etc. and promises it will never happen again or (3) denies it ever happened. The batterer is then sweet and kind and gentle for a while and may buy gifts.

If the victim does leave after the battering incident the batterer will do anything it takes to get them to come back. This includes

- "hearts and flowers" (bribe)
- promises to be a good parent (works well if they have neglected the kids)
- finds God (does not take responsibility for behavior)
- will stop drinking (drinking does not cause battering)
- will get counseling (only long term counseling will be effective and less than 1% voluntarily go into counseling).

[Lola]

http://laurakamienski.blogspot.com/

Interesting site.

Extract:
"A]n emotionally abusive relationship goes through two phases: (1) identity erosion, and (2) open violence....The first phase , which psychoanalyst P.C. Racamier has termed "brainwashing," can take place over several years. It builds progressively through a seduction process at he beginning of the relationship. The victim is destabilized and gradually loses self-confidence during this initial phase. (p. 89)

The seductive process consists not only in overpoweringly winning over the person, but also corrupting and suborning her. The manipulator bypasses reality, operating secretly and by surprise. He attacks underhandedly, gaining the admiration of another person, who is dazzled by him and sends back to him a positive image. (p. 89)
Narcissistic seduction confuses and erodes the boundaries of one's own identity and that of another individual. This is not the world of transference--for example, when a lover's idealization, in order to sustain passion, refuses to acknowledge any shortcomings in the beloved--but a world of incorporation where the objective is to destroy. The other person's presence is considered threatening, not complimentary. (p. 90)