Bad Nerves
Treatment for Bad Nerves
Treatment for Bad Nerves involves several approaches that include mental health care, improving social skills, and reorganizing the lifestyle. Here are some guidelines:
• If your background involves a high-stress upbringing that includes abuse, neglect, drug/alcohol problems, domestic violence, or mental instability in one or both parents – recognize that you may have been given a poor or ineffective role and life model. It’s helpful to compare your social and parenting practices with those recommended in self-help or advice books and magazines. As an example, we may have difficulty parenting due to our poor models. We may be using parenting techniques – while they were acceptable in our childhood home – that may increase problems in our children. As an example, high-stress homes often produce parents who slap their children in the face or who throw objects when angry. Not surprisingly, children in these environments use these same behaviors when they become teens and adults, often becoming behavioral problems in the school and community. Like scanning our computer for a virus, it’s helpful to look at our behavior for signs of defective or inappropriate mental and social programming.
• High-stress homes often widen our tolerance for maladaptive/bad situations by teaching us inappropriate “standards” of what is acceptable behavior. As a result of this “high tolerance” we accept bad and abusive situations, often because similar situations were present in our home. For example, if our father or mother were an alcoholic, drinking a beer for breakfast may seem “normal” to us. If we have developed a high tolerance for bad situations, we may begin to think all relationships involve screaming, jealousy, domestic violence, or other abusive behaviors. Possessing a “high tolerance” for bad situations assures us that those bad situations will continue in our life. I’ve worked with some families where domestic violence is a weekly event. To reduce problems created by a high tolerance for dysfunctional situations, it may be helpful to seek out the opinion of someone you consider emotionally and socially healthy. You can also imagine that your decisions are being reviewed by a committee of individuals you feel are good decision makers. This approach allows us to improve our decision-making skills by imagining what a healthy response or decision might be, especially if our poor social or personal judgments are creating more problems. Faced with a situation or decision, we might think to ourselves “What would Uncle Bob or Pastor Jones think of this situation? What would their advice be?” If we think about our previous poor judgments, we know what others would have thought about it. If we want healthy relationships, seek guidance from people who have healthy relationships. If we want a stable, calm life – seek guidance from those who have a stable and calm life. If we have Bad Nerves, we complicate our life by asking advice from the wrong people. It doesn’t make sense to ask a hobo how to become a millionaire.
• When we have a background of personal, family, and social difficulties it’s difficult to decide what is normal and healthy. This is related to that “high tolerance” for bad situations. After a series of abusive or poor relationships – a new normal or healthy partner might actually seem strange to us. If we have a temper tantrum and tell the healthy individual “Get out of my life” – guess what? That’s what they may do. They may not yell and scream, fight back, or try to fix the situation. They may not throw a brick through your window with an “I Love You” note tied to it. Their healthy decision is to avoid a relationship that includes aggressiveness, tantrums, or other forms of high-stress drama. After an abusive relationship, we may feel our healthy partner doesn’t love us because they aren’t aggressively or violently jealous. We use our background and experiences to evaluate and judge our current situations. As we might expect, this sets us up for more of the same. If we feel we are a “jerk magnet” or say “I always end up in the same type of relationship” – we may be unintentionally ignoring healthy partners because they don’t act like our past abusive, controlling or emotionally-detached partners.
• Mental health treatment is very helpful and often takes several forms. If we have symptoms of a clinical depression or anxiety disorder, medications may help. We’d look for sleep and appetite problems, crying spells, panic attacks, and other indicators. Our low self-esteem and mental health conditions can also be treated through individual or group counseling/therapy. Modern psychotherapy may focus on improving decision-making and improving our attitudes. Mental health professionals can also guide us toward those who may treat specific social situations such as children of alcoholics, victims of abuse, etc.
• In seeking mental health treatment, it’s important to spell-out our symptoms. For example, the majority of psychiatric medications are actually prescribed by non-psychiatrists. This is often dangerous. For example, a self-diagnosis of “Bad Nerves” may be incorrectly interpreted as an anxiety disorder rather than depression. Medications that reduce anxiety may have little or no effect on our depression. In a rather strange emotional state, we find ourselves “calmly depressed”. Inform physicians of the exact symptoms such as crying spells, sleep problems, etc. to improve your treatment.
• Actively seek to improve your emotional skills and your judgment. People become good at anything they study and practice. For example, a good golfer knows the number of dimples on his or her golf ball – 336 for an American golf ball and 330 for a British golf ball. Start reading, researching different views and recommendations, and looking at the advice of professionals. Reading allows us to learn about anything we want and the Internet is the world’s largest home library. As another example…I’ve never hit a golf ball, but I know how to read and find answers to questions as they arise in my life. I found the number of dimples in a few minutes searching the Internet. Learn as much as possible about the conditions or difficulties you are facing on a daily basis.
• Emotionally and/or socially unstable individuals often surround people with Bad Nerves. These unstable people are often family or friends. To stabilize our life, we must often work to gradually move these people to a safe emotional, social, or financial distance. When those with Bad Nerves do an inventory of their relationships, they often find a collection of people who take advantage of them for time, money, work, responsibility, etc. We must become assertive and develop a stand with these individuals. Rules can be developed such as 1) I’ll only baby-sit one night per week, 2) I’m good for twenty dollars a week and no more, or 3) I’ll be glad to listen to your stories but only when you call during the daytime. People who take advantage of us are being selfish and have little regard for how they create stress in our lives. They will seldom put controls on their behavior for your protection. When we take a firm position they may protest or try to punish us or make us feel guilty. If these money-friends protest - “If all I can have is twenty dollars a week, you’ll not see me anymore” – use the extra twenty dollars to take a new but healthy friend to lunch.
• Develop a long-term plan for improving your life. Many individuals develop a one, two, or three-year plan. There may be things we stop doing…and things we start doing. We may begin referring unstable friends to the mental health center rather than attempt to solve their problems alone. We may enroll in mental health treatment. We might research opportunities to improve our social of job situation. We can begin programs to improve our self-esteem (exercise, weight-loss, schooling, etc.). When we’re anxious, the idea of a two-year plan seems overwhelming. In truth, everyone with a college degree had a two or four year plan to improve his or her life. Long-term plans can be very successful.
• Make an effort to control, reduce or eliminate those aspects of our life that add to our stress. This may include such things as cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, etc. Try to improve financial and social decisions. Make a mental inventory of what we worry about, decide what can be done to reduce stress in that situation, and develop a plan. Place some control on your vices. If we want to build our social skills, drinking beer at the local bar isn’t an effective plan.
• Recognize that patience and persistence pays off. The “40” in WD-40 spray lubricant tells us the first 39 formulas at the laboratory didn’t work! Effort, discipline and control pay off. Coleman Cox said “I’m a great believer in luck. The harder I work the more I seem to have.” With hard work and persistence, almost any change is possible.
• Understand that “Bad Nerves” is our current situation, not a permanent condition or a curse. The many factors associated with Bad Nerves can be identified, changed, controlled, and improved. By becoming active rather than reactive in life’s activities, we can improve our life and remove “Bad Nerves” from one of the many terms we use to describe ourselves. Rather than describe yourself with “I’ve got Bad Nerves” – you can use “I’ve got a great marriage” or “I’ve got a great career”.
Treatment for Bad Nerves involves several approaches that include mental health care, improving social skills, and reorganizing the lifestyle. Here are some guidelines:
• If your background involves a high-stress upbringing that includes abuse, neglect, drug/alcohol problems, domestic violence, or mental instability in one or both parents – recognize that you may have been given a poor or ineffective role and life model. It’s helpful to compare your social and parenting practices with those recommended in self-help or advice books and magazines. As an example, we may have difficulty parenting due to our poor models. We may be using parenting techniques – while they were acceptable in our childhood home – that may increase problems in our children. As an example, high-stress homes often produce parents who slap their children in the face or who throw objects when angry. Not surprisingly, children in these environments use these same behaviors when they become teens and adults, often becoming behavioral problems in the school and community. Like scanning our computer for a virus, it’s helpful to look at our behavior for signs of defective or inappropriate mental and social programming.
• High-stress homes often widen our tolerance for maladaptive/bad situations by teaching us inappropriate “standards” of what is acceptable behavior. As a result of this “high tolerance” we accept bad and abusive situations, often because similar situations were present in our home. For example, if our father or mother were an alcoholic, drinking a beer for breakfast may seem “normal” to us. If we have developed a high tolerance for bad situations, we may begin to think all relationships involve screaming, jealousy, domestic violence, or other abusive behaviors. Possessing a “high tolerance” for bad situations assures us that those bad situations will continue in our life. I’ve worked with some families where domestic violence is a weekly event. To reduce problems created by a high tolerance for dysfunctional situations, it may be helpful to seek out the opinion of someone you consider emotionally and socially healthy. You can also imagine that your decisions are being reviewed by a committee of individuals you feel are good decision makers. This approach allows us to improve our decision-making skills by imagining what a healthy response or decision might be, especially if our poor social or personal judgments are creating more problems. Faced with a situation or decision, we might think to ourselves “What would Uncle Bob or Pastor Jones think of this situation? What would their advice be?” If we think about our previous poor judgments, we know what others would have thought about it. If we want healthy relationships, seek guidance from people who have healthy relationships. If we want a stable, calm life – seek guidance from those who have a stable and calm life. If we have Bad Nerves, we complicate our life by asking advice from the wrong people. It doesn’t make sense to ask a hobo how to become a millionaire.
• When we have a background of personal, family, and social difficulties it’s difficult to decide what is normal and healthy. This is related to that “high tolerance” for bad situations. After a series of abusive or poor relationships – a new normal or healthy partner might actually seem strange to us. If we have a temper tantrum and tell the healthy individual “Get out of my life” – guess what? That’s what they may do. They may not yell and scream, fight back, or try to fix the situation. They may not throw a brick through your window with an “I Love You” note tied to it. Their healthy decision is to avoid a relationship that includes aggressiveness, tantrums, or other forms of high-stress drama. After an abusive relationship, we may feel our healthy partner doesn’t love us because they aren’t aggressively or violently jealous. We use our background and experiences to evaluate and judge our current situations. As we might expect, this sets us up for more of the same. If we feel we are a “jerk magnet” or say “I always end up in the same type of relationship” – we may be unintentionally ignoring healthy partners because they don’t act like our past abusive, controlling or emotionally-detached partners.
• Mental health treatment is very helpful and often takes several forms. If we have symptoms of a clinical depression or anxiety disorder, medications may help. We’d look for sleep and appetite problems, crying spells, panic attacks, and other indicators. Our low self-esteem and mental health conditions can also be treated through individual or group counseling/therapy. Modern psychotherapy may focus on improving decision-making and improving our attitudes. Mental health professionals can also guide us toward those who may treat specific social situations such as children of alcoholics, victims of abuse, etc.
• In seeking mental health treatment, it’s important to spell-out our symptoms. For example, the majority of psychiatric medications are actually prescribed by non-psychiatrists. This is often dangerous. For example, a self-diagnosis of “Bad Nerves” may be incorrectly interpreted as an anxiety disorder rather than depression. Medications that reduce anxiety may have little or no effect on our depression. In a rather strange emotional state, we find ourselves “calmly depressed”. Inform physicians of the exact symptoms such as crying spells, sleep problems, etc. to improve your treatment.
• Actively seek to improve your emotional skills and your judgment. People become good at anything they study and practice. For example, a good golfer knows the number of dimples on his or her golf ball – 336 for an American golf ball and 330 for a British golf ball. Start reading, researching different views and recommendations, and looking at the advice of professionals. Reading allows us to learn about anything we want and the Internet is the world’s largest home library. As another example…I’ve never hit a golf ball, but I know how to read and find answers to questions as they arise in my life. I found the number of dimples in a few minutes searching the Internet. Learn as much as possible about the conditions or difficulties you are facing on a daily basis.
• Emotionally and/or socially unstable individuals often surround people with Bad Nerves. These unstable people are often family or friends. To stabilize our life, we must often work to gradually move these people to a safe emotional, social, or financial distance. When those with Bad Nerves do an inventory of their relationships, they often find a collection of people who take advantage of them for time, money, work, responsibility, etc. We must become assertive and develop a stand with these individuals. Rules can be developed such as 1) I’ll only baby-sit one night per week, 2) I’m good for twenty dollars a week and no more, or 3) I’ll be glad to listen to your stories but only when you call during the daytime. People who take advantage of us are being selfish and have little regard for how they create stress in our lives. They will seldom put controls on their behavior for your protection. When we take a firm position they may protest or try to punish us or make us feel guilty. If these money-friends protest - “If all I can have is twenty dollars a week, you’ll not see me anymore” – use the extra twenty dollars to take a new but healthy friend to lunch.
• Develop a long-term plan for improving your life. Many individuals develop a one, two, or three-year plan. There may be things we stop doing…and things we start doing. We may begin referring unstable friends to the mental health center rather than attempt to solve their problems alone. We may enroll in mental health treatment. We might research opportunities to improve our social of job situation. We can begin programs to improve our self-esteem (exercise, weight-loss, schooling, etc.). When we’re anxious, the idea of a two-year plan seems overwhelming. In truth, everyone with a college degree had a two or four year plan to improve his or her life. Long-term plans can be very successful.
• Make an effort to control, reduce or eliminate those aspects of our life that add to our stress. This may include such things as cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, etc. Try to improve financial and social decisions. Make a mental inventory of what we worry about, decide what can be done to reduce stress in that situation, and develop a plan. Place some control on your vices. If we want to build our social skills, drinking beer at the local bar isn’t an effective plan.
• Recognize that patience and persistence pays off. The “40” in WD-40 spray lubricant tells us the first 39 formulas at the laboratory didn’t work! Effort, discipline and control pay off. Coleman Cox said “I’m a great believer in luck. The harder I work the more I seem to have.” With hard work and persistence, almost any change is possible.
• Understand that “Bad Nerves” is our current situation, not a permanent condition or a curse. The many factors associated with Bad Nerves can be identified, changed, controlled, and improved. By becoming active rather than reactive in life’s activities, we can improve our life and remove “Bad Nerves” from one of the many terms we use to describe ourselves. Rather than describe yourself with “I’ve got Bad Nerves” – you can use “I’ve got a great marriage” or “I’ve got a great career”.
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Created by Administrator Aug 12, 2008 at 11:19pm. Last updated by Mariana Apr 27.
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