Why Are Loving Relationships So Difficult to Maintain?

[JoeinTX]

I came across this interesting article on the net and thought I could share it here...

Why Are Loving Relationships So Difficult to Maintain?

To begin with, we come into relationships from different families, different backgrounds, and with different experiences from childhood. How we experience love as a child – at home – provides us with the series of love “lessons” we carry into adulthood. Perhaps, as a child, Earl saw constant fighting, screaming, or crying in his family. What he learned is that love is all about suffering and unhappiness. Roberta might have seen one parent who dominated and controlled the other. The lesson, she thought, was that, to maintain a relationship, you always have to give in to your partner. Perhaps there was a divorce in the family or a parent died; the child who lives through such a loss comes to believe that people will hurt and abandon you, so it's a good idea not to trust or get too close.

Sometimes, people develop negative thoughts about themselves related to their earlier childhood experiences. Often, they are not fully aware of these negative beliefs. Some people, for example, secretly feel that they are not worthy of an intimate relationship; “if that person really knew me,” the thinking goes, “he or she wouldn't stick around.” People with these feelings are afraid to be truly authentic, to be themselves. Still others are afraid that their partner won't be faithful; feeling insecure, they are not open to receiving love.

The problem is that these “lessons” from childhood don’t apply to intimate relationships in adulthood. For one thing, they are outdated, as they are rooted in the past. While these thoughts were understandable in the context of earlier relationships, they now have become obstacles or blocks to the achievement of fulfilling relationships in adult life.

Once you understand the blocks you bring to your relationship, as well as those your partner brings, you can begin to do some work to heal your relationship.