Thank you Amy for your wonderful comments and for your friendship. What can i say I LOVE MY WORK !! It is a blessing to bring joy to others. As you may know by reading my profile I am the Founder of Mama's Helping Mama's a non profit organization that supports shelters and the survivors of domestic abuse. At this time we are currently putting together a book and are seeking stories from the survivors of domestic abuse. If you or anyone you know would be interested in taking part we would love to hear from you. You can visit http://mamashelpingmamas.com for more information. Also i invite you to join http://mamahelpingmama.ning.com. Thank you and have a blessed day. Lisa
Yes I did thank you. I thought I e-mailed you but maybe I didn't. I'm sorry if I didn't. Thank you so much it took several tries to get the correct link but I finally did it. Thank you I am so excited. :) amy
Thanks so much, Amy! If you want, you may create a group here with a link to your Care2 group and your blog, either on the Groups page or here in your profile. Or I can do that for you too. The more, the merrier =)
At 10:51am on September 30, 2008, Administrator said…
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
~Og Mandino
Take heart, my friend. And keep your chin up, change takes time, but in time things will be fine and you will be able to heal your wounds and those of the ones you love most. A big hug for you and the lovely girls!
I found this site on the web and has a very complete and interesting discussion forum you can join for free and plenty of information and materials, and resources too.
Hopefully I will be able to get a lot more on here. It has taken me awhile to learn what to do here. Lots of trial and error but It's coming. I have never done anything like this before. Thanks for the encouragement I hope others can benefit as well. ~ amy
The more I do research on women in pathological love relationships the more they tell me what SETS THEM OFF or RELAPSES them -- one of the big triggers is LONELINESS!
So many women have no idea how to manage their own sense of loneliness in their lives and it becomes a stumbling block back INTO the pathological relationship.
Ladies: Recovery comes to those who work a recovery program! TODAY take the first step and do something that moves you forward to the life you want to have. Let us know if we can help you with that first step!
A leading issue in mental health in general is the ability to be calmly by yourself and geniunely enjoy your own presence. Being alone is NOT the same thing as being lonely.
Only you can create your life in such a way as to make fulfilling and head off your own loneliness. But you do have to PLAN your life and PLAN what to do ahead of time for loneliness. Of the hundreds of women we have helped, almost all of them have cited loneliness, boredom, or not having a life as a reason they went back OR started yet another unhealthy relationship. One of the first steps of recovery is to develop a full life for yourself. Nothing happens until that occurs.
Have a plan what to do if you get lonely so you don't do the disasterous "Drink & Dial!" Or you don't do the 'Daydream & Dial.' HE'S NOT DIFFERENT! Nothing has changed!
Learn to build a great life and avoid the risk factor of loneliness.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Letting Go of the Pathological Relationship
No wonder so many psychological theories talk about the importance of 'letting go' -- because the opposite of it -- 'holding on' becomes an insane form of reasoning. Somewhere in the midst of the pathological love relationship, your intensity of attachment/ obsession with him begins to feel like a drug. The more he lies/ cheats/ hides what he's doing, the tighter the grip becomes on wanting him/seeking him out/obsessing about him. While you tell yourself you 'should' let go, you hold tighter... you hire a P.I. , you break into his computer, you peruse his cell phone, you follow him or do a drive by. You don't have to hire the TV show 'Cheaters' -- you already know how to do all of it. Just a little bit more info and it will surely motivate you to let him go, right? WRONG.
Within the 12 Step traditions is the concept of letting go and it's so applicable to people struggling in the pathological relationship. No doubt, there is a lot to let go of...
* the illusion of who you thought he WAS
* the dream of a future together
* hope that pathology is not true
* belief he will change
Although painful, it can be so freeing to let go of: unanswered questions, fear, anger, loathing, needing. Let go of needing to prove he is dangerous, catching him in the act, minimizing his pathology. Let go of needing to be right that he IS sick, to justify to others while you are still there, the belief if you hang in there just a little longer, it will matter.
Just let go...of painful belief systems and pathological hope.
A hard thing to learn is to go through life with an open hand. We can hold tight to someone and they still slip away. Those things that we want to hold on to most, we can't -- and sometimes shouldn't. Letting go becomes an act of self preservation... and sometimes a gift to them -- that they are released to a power greater their our own need or love for them. Sometimes letting go IS an act of love.
October 2007 I had to let go of one of the most precious things in my life: my mentor -- my mother. As the last act I could do for her, I let go and poured her out to the next journey. Let him go. Pour him out to the next journey in his life.
"Article written by Sandra L. Brown, M.A., Director of The Dangerous Relationship Institute and author ‘How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved’ and ‘Counseling Victims of Violence.’ The Institute is involved in helping women achieve relational harm reduction. Visit our site at http://www.HowToSpotADangerousMan.com
or
http://www.saferelationships.com for advice and resources on changing your dating patterns of selection. Change your choices, change your life.
Hi Amy, this is Mariana (Admin) of this site, and I grew up in Ann Arbor, MI, (born in Buenos Aires, though), so it's nice to see someone from my childhood town :)
II would like to invite anyone that would be interested to join me in a journey to better emotional health. I have started a new support group on the care2 network to help those recovering from emotional abuse, whether from a lover/spouse, parent, sibling, or other family member, friend, co-worker, peer, boss, teacher, or any other abuser. Especially for those who have been affected by a Sociopath or Antisocial personality disorder.
For anyone that has encountered a Sociopath the damage done to you can sometimes be much deeper than from other abusers. 1. Because the Sociopath is so good at fooling people into thinking they are such great people that know one believes you when you tell them. 2. They are so good at convincing even yourself that you doubt your own mind and believe it is your fault. Sometime there is nowhere to turn for support because even your own family turns on you. That is why I started this site so people can come and know that they are heard and understood.
I am just a woman like you and I have had the unfortunate luck of having had a Mother who is a Sociopath an ex boyfriend /mate, and my grand children’s mother. I am very passionate about getting the word out and trying to help those in need to find the help and resources they need to heal and live. There were many times I wanted to commit suicide and nothing would have satisfied these people more.
Making a difference one person at a time!
Abuso Emocional - Emotional Abuse
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You're doing a great job and helping a lot of people out there. Thanks!
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
~Og Mandino
=)
Hope things are getting a bit better. If there's anything you need, remember I'm here for you =)
All the best!
Our free Guide to Key Information on Emotional Abuse - English version is now available on-line at:http://mainsite.abusoemocional.com/guide.html
I found this site on the web and has a very complete and interesting discussion forum you can join for free and plenty of information and materials, and resources too.
http://www.bpdfamily.com//
=)
So many women have no idea how to manage their own sense of loneliness in their lives and it becomes a stumbling block back INTO the pathological relationship.
Ladies: Recovery comes to those who work a recovery program! TODAY take the first step and do something that moves you forward to the life you want to have. Let us know if we can help you with that first step!
A leading issue in mental health in general is the ability to be calmly by yourself and geniunely enjoy your own presence. Being alone is NOT the same thing as being lonely.
Only you can create your life in such a way as to make fulfilling and head off your own loneliness. But you do have to PLAN your life and PLAN what to do ahead of time for loneliness. Of the hundreds of women we have helped, almost all of them have cited loneliness, boredom, or not having a life as a reason they went back OR started yet another unhealthy relationship. One of the first steps of recovery is to develop a full life for yourself. Nothing happens until that occurs.
Have a plan what to do if you get lonely so you don't do the disasterous "Drink & Dial!" Or you don't do the 'Daydream & Dial.' HE'S NOT DIFFERENT! Nothing has changed!
Learn to build a great life and avoid the risk factor of loneliness.
-------------------------------------------------------
Ladies: Recovery comes to those who WORK a recovery program!
TODAY take the first step and do something that moves you forward to the life you want to have. Let us know if we can help you with that first step!
"Above all things, be the heroine of your life and not the victim." -- Nora Ephron.
Sandy Brown, MA
Psychotherapist & Author
http://www.saferelationships.com/
http://www.womenwholovepsychopaths.com/
http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com
Letting Go of the Pathological Relationship
No wonder so many psychological theories talk about the importance of 'letting go' -- because the opposite of it -- 'holding on' becomes an insane form of reasoning. Somewhere in the midst of the pathological love relationship, your intensity of attachment/ obsession with him begins to feel like a drug. The more he lies/ cheats/ hides what he's doing, the tighter the grip becomes on wanting him/seeking him out/obsessing about him. While you tell yourself you 'should' let go, you hold tighter... you hire a P.I. , you break into his computer, you peruse his cell phone, you follow him or do a drive by. You don't have to hire the TV show 'Cheaters' -- you already know how to do all of it. Just a little bit more info and it will surely motivate you to let him go, right? WRONG.
Within the 12 Step traditions is the concept of letting go and it's so applicable to people struggling in the pathological relationship. No doubt, there is a lot to let go of...
* the illusion of who you thought he WAS
* the dream of a future together
* hope that pathology is not true
* belief he will change
Although painful, it can be so freeing to let go of: unanswered questions, fear, anger, loathing, needing. Let go of needing to prove he is dangerous, catching him in the act, minimizing his pathology. Let go of needing to be right that he IS sick, to justify to others while you are still there, the belief if you hang in there just a little longer, it will matter.
Just let go...of painful belief systems and pathological hope.
A hard thing to learn is to go through life with an open hand. We can hold tight to someone and they still slip away. Those things that we want to hold on to most, we can't -- and sometimes shouldn't. Letting go becomes an act of self preservation... and sometimes a gift to them -- that they are released to a power greater their our own need or love for them. Sometimes letting go IS an act of love.
October 2007 I had to let go of one of the most precious things in my life: my mentor -- my mother. As the last act I could do for her, I let go and poured her out to the next journey. Let him go. Pour him out to the next journey in his life.
"Article written by Sandra L. Brown, M.A., Director of The Dangerous Relationship Institute and author ‘How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved’ and ‘Counseling Victims of Violence.’ The Institute is involved in helping women achieve relational harm reduction. Visit our site at http://www.HowToSpotADangerousMan.com
or
http://www.saferelationships.com for advice and resources on changing your dating patterns of selection. Change your choices, change your life.
http://www.geocities.com/survivorsbychoice/volatilelove.htm
II would like to invite anyone that would be interested to join me in a journey to better emotional health. I have started a new support group on the care2 network to help those recovering from emotional abuse, whether from a lover/spouse, parent, sibling, or other family member, friend, co-worker, peer, boss, teacher, or any other abuser. Especially for those who have been affected by a Sociopath or Antisocial personality disorder.
For anyone that has encountered a Sociopath the damage done to you can sometimes be much deeper than from other abusers. 1. Because the Sociopath is so good at fooling people into thinking they are such great people that know one believes you when you tell them. 2. They are so good at convincing even yourself that you doubt your own mind and believe it is your fault. Sometime there is nowhere to turn for support because even your own family turns on you. That is why I started this site so people can come and know that they are heard and understood.
I am just a woman like you and I have had the unfortunate luck of having had a Mother who is a Sociopath an ex boyfriend /mate, and my grand children’s mother. I am very passionate about getting the word out and trying to help those in need to find the help and resources they need to heal and live. There were many times I wanted to commit suicide and nothing would have satisfied these people more.
Making a difference one person at a time!
http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/WithoutConscience
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Created by Administrator Aug 12, 2008 at 11:19pm. Last updated by Mariana Apr 27.
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